Chill-out

Mesdames et Messieurs...détente a commencé.

Random Sex

So I know my blog tends to be whiney and such about the whole wooing the opposite sex, but I just had to share this nugget from today.

"David, girls only want to have random sex with guys they will never want to sleep with again. You cannot be an asshole, so it won't work for you."

So, I thought about it, and I realized that it would simply be easier rather than being an asshole at the front end, I could accomplish the same end by just being really bad in bed. We're not talking be a minute man, or even "accidentally" slip into the wrong crevice. I'm talking donkey-punching, houdini-performing, bobsledding sex. The kind of sex that legends are made of for being horrific. The kind you read about on the internet, laugh, and then say "that could never happen."

But the key to that is getting to that point where you can actually perform those acts. So, I'm going to start a t-shirt line. Never a fan of false advertising, my line will put it all up front. You'll know what you're getting from "hello." There will be five shirts to start, with an expansion of the line three months out. Our initial run will include the following shirts:







and as a bonus shirt - and "easter egg" if you will:


That should succeed in wooing a girl - it's everything a girl wants in a guy, and it's all up front. Now, I must go model the line and try to get laid.